When it comes to committing to recovery in anorexia, you have to WANT to change. You have to want to recover so badly that you are willing to do whatever it takes no matter what. Its also has to come from you and only you as this will be the element that you hold on to when 'the going gets tough', which it mostly defiantly will!
The want to change has to come from you because if you are not doing it for yourself then what is the point? You can't get better just for someone else or something else because that simply won't last and you will find yourself going back to your old ways time after time. You have to want to change to better yourself and for your own health, happiness and future. I know it has taken me a long long time to actually want recovery for myself as for such a long time all of my past recovery attempts have been me doing it for something else and never myself. Now that I am starting to realise that I want so much more from life and that anorexia has never and will never bring me happiness or what it tells me it will bring, I feel that a better life can be out there for me without it. I mean I have tried anorexia's ways for almost 11 years now and it has never worked, it has never brought me the body it promised because no matter how much i weighed it always told me to use more. No matter how little I ate, there was always more I could get rid of...so I think I can well and truly say that anorexia is a lier and will never bring me a life I am content with.
Also, sometimes this strong want for change happens due to something bad/life limiting/hitting an all time low to cure (and I don't just mean weight here!). I know that for me I have recently been faced with some really bad health issues that are affecting my every waking minute at the moment (but this is a whole separate post altogether!) and this is really feeling my want to change as I hate how it is affecting me!
Its not only just the wanting that makes the change...its the actions! Actions = change. Yes, the want factor has to be there but I am very prone to talking, wishing, planning all of my change yet when it comes to the obvious actions I can do to make real change happen, I stubble and get scared or the anorexia does! If you really want change then actions have to happen and this is why you REALLY have to want it!!
I am beginning to realise all of this now and how nothing good can happen if I just stay where I am at now in a place of just existing and not enjoying life. I am starting to see that I have to make big and scary changes like gaining back to a healthy weight, not exercising in such a strict and obsessive way, allowing myself to accept that I need to rest and that my life/journey is mine and not to compare with anyone else. All of these and many more things that I am facing up to are extremely hard and quite frankly make me feel rubbish!...But unlike in the past, I know that I have to stick to them in order to 'reap the benefits'.
I have to be sticking with true recovery even though at times it feels awful and like I don't even want it as much as I thought I did!?! But no, thats just the power of the anorexia and that power won't go away unless I go against it even when I don't feel like it. Recovery is hard because of situations like these. I don't think that anyone in recovery always feels this strong want and desire to recover 100% of the time...or else recovery wouldn't be so damn hard!
Change in recovery from anorexia is so very difficult in many aspects, but it is VITAL in order to truly recover. All I can do is continue to push myself further and believe that it is the right thing to do and brighter days will come.
Also, sometimes this strong want for change happens due to something bad/life limiting/hitting an all time low to cure (and I don't just mean weight here!). I know that for me I have recently been faced with some really bad health issues that are affecting my every waking minute at the moment (but this is a whole separate post altogether!) and this is really feeling my want to change as I hate how it is affecting me!
Its not only just the wanting that makes the change...its the actions! Actions = change. Yes, the want factor has to be there but I am very prone to talking, wishing, planning all of my change yet when it comes to the obvious actions I can do to make real change happen, I stubble and get scared or the anorexia does! If you really want change then actions have to happen and this is why you REALLY have to want it!!
I am beginning to realise all of this now and how nothing good can happen if I just stay where I am at now in a place of just existing and not enjoying life. I am starting to see that I have to make big and scary changes like gaining back to a healthy weight, not exercising in such a strict and obsessive way, allowing myself to accept that I need to rest and that my life/journey is mine and not to compare with anyone else. All of these and many more things that I am facing up to are extremely hard and quite frankly make me feel rubbish!...But unlike in the past, I know that I have to stick to them in order to 'reap the benefits'.
I have to be sticking with true recovery even though at times it feels awful and like I don't even want it as much as I thought I did!?! But no, thats just the power of the anorexia and that power won't go away unless I go against it even when I don't feel like it. Recovery is hard because of situations like these. I don't think that anyone in recovery always feels this strong want and desire to recover 100% of the time...or else recovery wouldn't be so damn hard!
Change in recovery from anorexia is so very difficult in many aspects, but it is VITAL in order to truly recover. All I can do is continue to push myself further and believe that it is the right thing to do and brighter days will come.