As someone in recovery from anorexia it is pretty hard not to be constantly 'toing and froing' from all of the conflicting dietary advice that is given to us from many different people and sources.
Last year I had a bad bout of 'otherexia' (a relatively new term for a condition that leads you to be obsessed with eating healthy/clean to an unhealthy extreme that has a negative impact on your wellbeing) and to be honest I would be lying if I said I was totally over it even though I have made some positive steps and improvements to move more away from it. All the 'healthy' and 'clean' nutrition talk from over the years has really taken its tole on my relationship with food resulting in me feeling completely lost when it comes to what is actually healthy. Its just sooooo confusing and leads to a lot of guilt and obsession.
When I was first showing signs of my anorexia back when I was 12/13, I become very...possessed you could say on the whole 'healthy eating' talk and campaigns that were going on. I wanted to make sure I didn't end up overweight and as a result I drastically cut my intake thinking that it was the right thing to do, the 'healthy' thing to do. This is where my food obsession, fear and ultimately eating disorder started and unfortunately its something I am not yet free from. But the thing is, the fears and obsessions are much more.... 'direct' now??? Well they are just harder to avoid now because there are so so many more styles, theories and fixation on health and nutrition now, more than even when my whole eating disorder started!
This therefore makes recovery ALOT harder when all your trying to do is find your own peace and freedom with food and weight.
Recently I have been faced with (without even deliberately searching or anything!) a lot of different dietary advice and research that all conflicts one another to tell you you truth, yet claim to be 'the one' that is optimal for human health and lifestyle. Vegan, paleo, plant based and lets not forget that good old 'balanced' word - these are just some of the terms I seem to be faced with on a daily basis and I am literally none the wiser about which is the best, telling the truth or simply healthy.
As a sufferer of anorexia I know that I will be more drawn into these kinds of things but now that I am recovering and trying to do the best for my body and mind, I want to know more about all of these different approaches (i do find nutrition as a whole actually really fascinating) but in a more rational mind frame of 'health' as opposed to 'thinness' which was the aim I had when I was deep in the grips of anorexia not wanting to recover at all. I want to find what will work best for my body and have some kind of knowledge that what I'm doing is healthy in every sense of that word!
The problem is...I feel like how the devil can I with all these different approaches being thrown at us left, right and centre???
I have to admit that I do have times when I feel guilty for not eating a certain way and I do worry I will not look 'great' (whatever great is) as a result of it - i.e fear of becoming overweight, lazy...wobbly!! BUT surely I should just learn to be ok with eating anything in general to gain weight before I even start to think too deeply about the ins and outs of all the food!!?! Again, I don't know. I think I should...but that still doesn't stop me from being drawn into thinking I should be eating a particular way.
With how my digestion is at the moment (basically the digestion from hell with every IBS issue you could think of) I am having to eat a pretty low fiber diet which in fact goes against almost all of the 'healthy eating' advice out there!...But if ate high fiber now, it wouldn't be 'healthy' for me (I've done it and it is NOT pleasant) so surely thats just proving that there is no on ultimate healthy and that different bodies require different things depending on their situation. I do struggle with this low fiber diet because of the bad reputation processed food gets and the fact that I can not eat this 'clean and whole food' diet (not without dire consequences anyway) that is put in the spotlight for looking and feeling fantastic for ultimate health...and it does get me down and make me think - 'well if I'm not eating clean foods, I'm not going to look like these beautiful people and ill just end up unhealthy and obese!!' - I literally do think this!
As time goes on (and weight goes on) I can hopefully go back to having more fiber because I genuinely do like these foods and I do want to be able to eat whatever I like without the restriction of either the anorexia or the anorexias consequences (my stomach issues!!!) holding me back.
I must say, I never really know if some of these people advocating a certain diet or lifestyle has or does suffer with eating disorder themselves? Again, like the diets, I hear conflicting talk about this matter. Some say 'X person' has an eating disorder, some don't...its just all so bloody mixed up and confusing!
...I guess this isn't a post with any big conclusion or lesson to learn from. Its simply just me voicing my frustration and damn right confusion about what seems to be a never ending debate about what is healthy and not in regards to food and life style.
I don't know what my future holds for me in terms of diet and what I feel is best...all I do know is that at this moment in time, I need to get to a healthy place and this requires no rules, regulations or restrictions on food. A hard task to do in this current 'health/diet crazed' world, but I know in my gut that it is right, no...essential for ME.
I just hope to find health and a 'no guilt' feeling from any kind of dietary approach I go on to believe in the future.
When I was first showing signs of my anorexia back when I was 12/13, I become very...possessed you could say on the whole 'healthy eating' talk and campaigns that were going on. I wanted to make sure I didn't end up overweight and as a result I drastically cut my intake thinking that it was the right thing to do, the 'healthy' thing to do. This is where my food obsession, fear and ultimately eating disorder started and unfortunately its something I am not yet free from. But the thing is, the fears and obsessions are much more.... 'direct' now??? Well they are just harder to avoid now because there are so so many more styles, theories and fixation on health and nutrition now, more than even when my whole eating disorder started!
This therefore makes recovery ALOT harder when all your trying to do is find your own peace and freedom with food and weight.
Recently I have been faced with (without even deliberately searching or anything!) a lot of different dietary advice and research that all conflicts one another to tell you you truth, yet claim to be 'the one' that is optimal for human health and lifestyle. Vegan, paleo, plant based and lets not forget that good old 'balanced' word - these are just some of the terms I seem to be faced with on a daily basis and I am literally none the wiser about which is the best, telling the truth or simply healthy.
As a sufferer of anorexia I know that I will be more drawn into these kinds of things but now that I am recovering and trying to do the best for my body and mind, I want to know more about all of these different approaches (i do find nutrition as a whole actually really fascinating) but in a more rational mind frame of 'health' as opposed to 'thinness' which was the aim I had when I was deep in the grips of anorexia not wanting to recover at all. I want to find what will work best for my body and have some kind of knowledge that what I'm doing is healthy in every sense of that word!
The problem is...I feel like how the devil can I with all these different approaches being thrown at us left, right and centre???
I have to admit that I do have times when I feel guilty for not eating a certain way and I do worry I will not look 'great' (whatever great is) as a result of it - i.e fear of becoming overweight, lazy...wobbly!! BUT surely I should just learn to be ok with eating anything in general to gain weight before I even start to think too deeply about the ins and outs of all the food!!?! Again, I don't know. I think I should...but that still doesn't stop me from being drawn into thinking I should be eating a particular way.
With how my digestion is at the moment (basically the digestion from hell with every IBS issue you could think of) I am having to eat a pretty low fiber diet which in fact goes against almost all of the 'healthy eating' advice out there!...But if ate high fiber now, it wouldn't be 'healthy' for me (I've done it and it is NOT pleasant) so surely thats just proving that there is no on ultimate healthy and that different bodies require different things depending on their situation. I do struggle with this low fiber diet because of the bad reputation processed food gets and the fact that I can not eat this 'clean and whole food' diet (not without dire consequences anyway) that is put in the spotlight for looking and feeling fantastic for ultimate health...and it does get me down and make me think - 'well if I'm not eating clean foods, I'm not going to look like these beautiful people and ill just end up unhealthy and obese!!' - I literally do think this!
As time goes on (and weight goes on) I can hopefully go back to having more fiber because I genuinely do like these foods and I do want to be able to eat whatever I like without the restriction of either the anorexia or the anorexias consequences (my stomach issues!!!) holding me back.
I must say, I never really know if some of these people advocating a certain diet or lifestyle has or does suffer with eating disorder themselves? Again, like the diets, I hear conflicting talk about this matter. Some say 'X person' has an eating disorder, some don't...its just all so bloody mixed up and confusing!
...I guess this isn't a post with any big conclusion or lesson to learn from. Its simply just me voicing my frustration and damn right confusion about what seems to be a never ending debate about what is healthy and not in regards to food and life style.
I don't know what my future holds for me in terms of diet and what I feel is best...all I do know is that at this moment in time, I need to get to a healthy place and this requires no rules, regulations or restrictions on food. A hard task to do in this current 'health/diet crazed' world, but I know in my gut that it is right, no...essential for ME.
I just hope to find health and a 'no guilt' feeling from any kind of dietary approach I go on to believe in the future.
Have you ever felt too overwhelmed by conflicting diet talk?
Have you been able to find peace in it all and find what is right for you?
Have you been able to find peace in it all and find what is right for you?